November 6, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood
I’ve had a lot going on recently — between travelling for work, representing clients, and getting ready to launch an egg donation agency my plate is pretty full — on top of which I have family issues and a back that doesn’t really want to let me stand up straight (a metaphor for my life if ever there was one). I was talking to my coach about how overwhelmed I feel and how does a business owner, lawyer, any professional person in general deal with that. I also feel that a recent visit to Dr. Chung to address my own reproductive issues brought up a lot of memories and feelings which just added to feeling like I couldn’t manage my own life. I know we all get there sometimes. The days you don’t want to get out of bed, the days you want to take a mental health day from work, the days nothing goes right and you find yourself digging through your pocket book for chocolate or xanax or both! LOL!
My coach gave me a lot to think about and work on and I must say that we worked through many of my personal issues surrounding feeling overwhelmed and now I am feeling much more empowered, but the bottom line I think was that I was (1) avoiding facing the issues and work that were bugging me ; (2) I wasn’t taking time for myself (hello Martyr Liz); and (3) I wasn’t taking time to look around me and feel grateful for things.
So this morning, as I do almost every morning, I sat down for my meditation time (which I will admit I haven’t had in over a month because of the demands of work) and I looked out the window of my sun porch and NOTICED the beautiful yellow and orange trees outside my windows. Literally overnight they had gone from green to the amazing mix of colors, they are blazing with light and color and reminding me of the limitless capacity we all have for change. Feeling overwhelmed is only a feeling. Feelings are not facts, and they do not usually accurately represent where we are in our leaves. If the trees in my backyard can go from spring green to autumn blazing bold orange and gold overnight, than so can we. We can go from feeling overwhelmed, stuck, frustrated, anxious, or even despair at the stress in our lives presented by childlessness, infertility, infertility treatment, worries about follicle counts and E2 levels, birth mothers not returning our calls, our adoption cell phones not ringing, our agency calling to tell us our referral has been delayed (again) . . . whatever it is . . . to recognizing that we really are all okay, everything is perfect in our lives right now and that we are safe and not alone. It doesn’t take much. For me all it took was taking a break and looking and really seeing outside the window of my world. That tree changed overnight. Nothing is permanent or forever. Those leaves will be gone in a few days leaving me with new views to ponder. Tomorrow your E2 level will be different, you might get a call that a spot opened up on a dr’s wait list, or your referral might come in from your agency.
Take a moment and look at something outside of your normal consciousness. Something you take for granted, something you ignore. Notice how beautiful and miraculous it is. The write down what you noticed about it, and then write down everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.
Next, write down the opposite of everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck. Write down the way you want it to be. That tree in my yard changed overnight. In a few days it will change again. It reminded me that our lives our fluid and constantly moving. Our feelings are just feelings. Write them down, then write down what you want the reality to be. I bet you anything that just like the blazing fire of autumnal glory outside my window that is transfixing me and inspiring me, the thing you look at will change your perspective as well and you will see or remember that the list of what you want is moving closer to you every second.
And if that didn’t work . . . just remember this adage someone once told me. Imagine you are swimming in the ocean toward the shore. But the current is so strong that as you swim you get no closer to land. However, every stroke of your arms and kick of your legs fighting that current is making your legs and arms stronger. When that current releases you, you will literally fly through the water toward the land at a speed you cannot comprehend right now. Every stroke is building muscle. Every breathe is keeping you strong. Because nothing is permanent and that current will disappear and you will be swimming faster toward your dreams and goals than you can even begin to comprehend now as you fight with that current. Surrender to the current.
Tags: adoption, Birth Family, Domestic Adoption Planning, Economy, Homework, hope, Inspiration, intent, Peace to Parenthood, success, visualization
November 6, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Announcements, Current Affairs
Hey everyone, while I was away, Kristen and Emily were hard at work trying to figure out why we have all these registered users who cannot seem to be able to post. We had a worm on the site awhile ago and it seems the damage the worm did went a little deeper than we realized.
Anyone who has previously registered to be a user on this blog needs to register again. As of today, we have only 4 registered users, down from over a hundred. Please, please, please, take a minute and register again. I am so sorry for the inconvenience. But some mean person corrupted my blog. Once you register again you shouldn’t have any problems. You may not have even noticed . . . but we noticed and we miss you!
Once again, anyone who has previously a registered user on this blog is no longer registered due to a worm that corrupted the site. Please re-register and join our discussions!
Thanks!
Liz
Tags: Announcements, registered users
November 6, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Current Affairs
I have been off the blog travelling to various meetings for reproductive professionals, including ASRM and moderating a panel for the American Bar Association’s A.R.T. Committee addressing insurance issues in gestational carrier arrangements. I learned tons (for other posts) but came home exhausted and overwhelmed and of course the office was happily insane with new business. Of course the travelling and stress of long hours, on and off planes, in and out of cars, running through (or trying to walk through) convention centers, and tons of work meant my back went out . . . and I wound up in bed staring at the ceiling last weekend. But everyone needs a break — just wish mine had been on a beach in some tropical location. ;)
But I have been very productive in my absence with many new things to bring to the blog . . . first and foremost the e-Book on Egg Donation is almost done!!! Can you believe it! Kristen, my marketing guru, is gearing up for a big marketing campaign to let the world know that the first in my series of the Nuts and Bolts of A.R.T.: The Egg Donation e-Book is going to be coming to a computer or store near you very soon! Now’s the time to get in and get your free copy . . . email us at Info@Storklawyer.com and tell us you want a copy of The Egg Donation e-Book. We will add you to the mailing list when it’s available so you can download your copy. It will also be available (not immediately) in kindle format. I can’t believe we’re finally on the cusp of releasing this book that I have been working on for what feels like forever. WooHoo! By the way, it’s written for both intended parents and prospective egg donors.
Also in the news . . . on January 4th, 2010, The Stork Lawyer Connection will officially open for business. For years I have wanted to start my own egg donation agency but couldn’t reconcile myself to certain issues I have with the existing egg donation agency model. The Stork Lawyer Connection is a unique agency, with a new way of bringing donors together with intended parents. Our website is almost done, our staff is together, and we’re so excited. I am so excited! Keep an eye out for our press release, and for information on The Stork Lawyer Connection coming to a mailbox, doctor’s office, or computer near you!
Congrats to Ms. Samantha Hill, the newest associate in my law office, who found out yesterday that she passed the New York State Bar Exam! Sam was an intern in my office during law school and joined us when Danielle took a leave of absence. Sam, I am very proud of you! Rumor has it that another former intern passed the bar as well . . . so our congratulations also go out to Ms. Sarah Thomas . . . character and fitness forms are on their way ladies! CONGRATULATIONS SAM AND SARAH – YOU DID IT – YOU PASSED THE BAR!
There are lots of infertility and adoption events going on right about now. The RESOLVE of the Bay State Chapter is holding it’s annual conference this weekend. We send some goodies up for the auction, but anyone reading in the Boston area should head over to the conference (Nov 7th). We hope to be there in person next year, but this year with the conference coming on the heals of my trip to Montreal to speak at the American Bar Association, and attend the 65th Annual Meeting of ASRM in Atlanta, we just couldn’t do it. Those goodies we sent are pretty awesome though. Free consultations on adoption, a free egg donation contract, free signed copies of The Infertility Survival Handbook and The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption . . . I hope we made up for not being there in person. Concerned Persons for Adoption is having their annual conference (also the 11/7) in New Jersey at Rutgers University. I wasn’t able to attend that event either, but we did send handouts on what you need to know about third party assisted reproduction and adoption in NY and NJ and an offer for copy of one of my books.
I will be speaking and have an exhibition table at the annual APC Conference, held this year in Brooklyn, NY at St. Francis College on November 22nd. I will be speaking on Adoptive Breast Feeding and Marketing and Targeting in Adoption: how, when and where to find a birth family.
We’re also working on changes to the Stork Lawyer website. All the web site design for The Stork Lawyer Connection has me wanting to freshen up the Stork Lawyer site as well (plus we have to add all our new staff!!).
I am off now to post a general blurby blog and to work on the website for The Stork Lawyer Connection. Oh yeah, I have homework for my coach too (maybe something to blog about)! And another sweater to knit for a client . . . TGIF!
Breathe Liz, just breathe!
Tags: Announcements, Egg Donation, The Infertility Survival Handbook, The Stork Lawyer Connection, The Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption
October 2, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Uncategorized
Last night, after days of trying to unravel what appeared to be a case of identity fraud (one of the things that I think must truly be horrific to live through, putting your life back together after someone has stolen your credit-UGH) I discovered that a person at Citi Cards had made my pay-by-phone payment twice. This was not a small payment. I was paying the card balance off in full. This was a day of celebration. This was a day when my husband and I were to begin life anew. We were finally digging out from years of debt related to our infertility, adoptions, unemployment, and me putting every penny my business earned back into my business. Finally we were going to be on better financial ground and the world was rosy. Along with the payment to Citi Cards were payments to other cards and a lot of very nice people who had extended us credit or been very lenient with billing policies to my family. I have been very grateful to those people and they are the ones who had inspired me to give away free contracts to clients who can’t afford legal services, to discount all of my services etc. This was a good day. It was September 24th. Lots and lots of checks were written, lots and lots of bills were paid.
Unebownst to me, however, a woman at Citi Cards processed my payment twice. Now really, when you’re paying that much money to a credit card company there should be mechanisms in place to prevent errors (hey, honey, maybe you should pitch this as a business process idea to your current employer?). A way to make sure that the payment is made once and only once. But, sad for me there is no such mechanism in place currently at Citi Cards and she processed it twice, and that was on top of the payment I had made six days earlier so that my bill wouldn’t be late. For personal reasons I don’t feel comfortable sharing with you how much money was deducted from our bank account but suffice it to say that it covered all of those other checks and was an amount more than alot of people (including me) make in a year. I had a lovely credit on this Citi Card but I didn’t need it. And ironically, this was a card I had been arguing with DH over closing. The interest rate on the card is astronomical (as are all credit card interest rates these days), enough really to make it impossible to use the card without paying it off in full every month. I didn’t want to close the card because I read in one of Suze Orman’s (sp?) books that you shouldn’t close cards, especially cards that you’ve had for years and years (this one dates back to 1990) because it could negatively impact your credit score. So, instead, DH and I agreed that we would put the card away and leave the line open.
Imagine the scene now. A call from the American Bar Association alerted me to the fact that my business credit card was being declined when I was trying to pay for a conference I am speaking at next week. I am booking air travel for four upcoming business trips, and we’ve paid off people who have put our trust in us. I called my business banker who was unable to figure out what was going on. I started making calls to Citi Cards asking what was going on. It took them two days to tell me that a wire transfer to my business card had been rejected. Long story short, two days later, last night after a very LONG day at work, I went online to this particular Citi Card and discovered that it showed I had made this enormous payment. here is the following chain of events: Pause. refresh page. refresh page again. Get Twizzlers, Oreos, Diet Coke. refresh page again. Go online with all other credit cards we had paid on 9/24. Every single one is showing rejected payments or multiple attempts at submitting the payment. Check bank balances in our checking accounts. All were negative balances. Call banks for status check. Eat twizzlers, Oreos, Gulp Diet Coke, and take two Xanax. OMG. I knew this could be resolved. I knew this would be resolved. But seriously. OMG.
I called the Citi Card 800 number on the back of the card that had the multiple payments processed. I asked to speak to a supervisor. I speak with a lovely young woman named “C” who seemed very calm about this (she must have taken more Xanax than I had). I am thinking about potential causes of action I have against Citibank but I too stay calm (years of training as a litigator. The US Atty I worked for doesn’t call me Mighty Mouse without reason!). C seems to think that everything will be okay and they will put the money back into my account and credit me all the late charges and overdraft fees, penalties etc. I have incurred with other lenders and people. I ask how quickly the money will be returned to my account and she tells me 2-4 business days. And that my friends is when I lost it. There were not enough Twizzlers, Oreos, Diet Coke, or Xanax in the Universe to calm me down in that moment. I was not angry. I don’t know what I was.
I asked to speak with a supervisor. I still get 2-4 days. I ask to speak to another supervisor. And another. Finally, I get a very capable, professional, sympathetic vice president on the phone who immediately realizes that her bank made a gigantic mistake for which they could be facing some serious issues. We shall call her Angel (somewhat of an overstatement but it will do. Angel was human enough to tell me exactly what a big F-up this was and that the young woman who had processed the transaction had to be terminated because she was a “threat to the bank.” She told me a lot of other things too but somewhere during this call with Angel — who even gave me her internal Citibank identification number, her personal fax number, a direct dial phone number, spelled her first and last name, and the name of her boss (who is the head of card services — I started to cry. And cry. And cry. This didn’t seem to phase her one bit (I guess a lot of people must be crying on the phone with Angel these days) but more importantly, she heard every reason I was crying and she realized, one human being to another, what this transaction error had done to my life. I will see if the money is truly back in our account TODAY as she promised, but this one person restored my faith in Citibank (at least for a little while) and I am sure in a few days I will have everything corrected and the result we had intended to create on 9/24 will be our reality. And maybe I will even feel good again. Right now I am just horrified with the number of phone calls I have to make today and the number of phone calls I imagine Angel will be receiving from people who need her confirmation that this really happened and I am not making up an excuse like the dog ate my bank card.
I slept fitfully, and awoke to the usual morning chaos of getting little people off to school. My coffee was too strong, my back was killing me, and I realized that something in me had shifted last night. Why had it taken so much effort to correct this problem? Why had getting help from Angel made such a difference for me? Why had I lost it like that?
I looked around my house and realized what a disaster it is. There is clutter everywhere, our furniture doesn’t match, we can never find anything when we are looking for it. The only place in my life that is organized is my office and my knitting. I love both of those things so I pay attention to them. My business coach has helped me tremendously and my office is starting to run smoothly despite the fact that my right arm, Danielle, has taken a leave of absence. But my personal life needs a makeover. I am sad that I have neglected that which meant so much to me a few years ago. The balance has totally shifted and I realize perhaps it has shifted in the wrong direction. I have spent the last 5 years helping other people to the detriment of my family and my home. I know there is a way to find better balance. I know that I don’t have to live with cast off furniture from other people that clash. I can love my home as much as I love my office.
My children don’t lack for attention or love, of that I am sure. But in the process of becoming the Stork Lawyer, I lost ME. My marriage, my home, my financial life, they need a makeover. Do you think Oprah, Suze Orman and HGTV could help? Because as much as I want to restore the balance, I still have to help other people make their family. I am serious, I was watching HGTV a few years ago when I was nursing my daughter, HGTV has a ton of makeover shows right? Oprah may be a stretch but Suze Orman, doesn’t she have clients?? I need help to do this. This is more than I can do alone.
I want my life back. And I want that money back in our bank account today!!!!!!!
p.s. this was not proofed or edited due to time constraints. What was I saying about balance?
September 28, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Current Affairs, adoption
From Today’s New York Law Journal
Lawyer Accused of Stealing In Adoption Scheme
A Roslyn lawyer already under investigation in connection with real estate fraud was arrested Friday and charged with stealing thousands of dollars from prospective adoptive parents. Nassau District Attorney Kathleen M. Rice said in a statement that Kevin Cohen, 41, promised couples “babies that didn’t exist” and pocketed the money while telling them the funds were in escrow accounts while the adoptions were pending.
One couple paid Mr. Cohen $65,000 after he falsely claimed to have located two prospective birth mothers who sought to adopt out their children, Ms. Rice said. Mr. Cohen, founded the nonprofit Roslyn Adoption Annex in 2004, which provides services to adoptive parents and adopted children. He is charged with second-degree grand larceny, first-degree scheme to defraud and third-degree criminal possession of a forged instrument. Mr. Cohen pleaded not guilty Friday afternoon but remained behind bars on $250,000 bail. — Vesselin Mitev
