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What do you want Mother’s Day to be like when you are a mom?

May 7, 2010 | By: | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood, visualization

You are probably being inundated with blog posts right now, and articles about how to cope with Mother’s Day while you’re waiting to become a mother.  The last Mother’s Day I spent before I became a mother, I spent it at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Puerto Rico where Charlie took me for the weekend right before our next IVF cycle started.  I spent the weekend doing my Lupron injections and drinking Pina Coladas and beer by the pool (sorry Dr. Chung, I know you said no alcohol!! oops).  Charlie went hiking.  Neither of us was in much mood to deal with the holiday so we escaped.  I got pregnant with twins that IVF cycle and shortly after miscarrying the pregnancy decided to adopt.  What I didn’t know then that I know now is that there is a far more productive means of escaping.  Instead of drowning your sorrows or hiding, visualize how you want Mother’s Day to be when you are a mom.

Charlie keeps asking me what I want to do this Mother’s Day.  I don’t know.  Breakfast in bed brought on a tray by my little boy sounds too cliche.  And the kitchen will just be a disaster that I get to clean up.  Instead, I have been visualizing future mother’s days and trying to create a rich memory for this year.  I am trying to create the perfect Mother’s Day in my head.

I asked for a trip to the gardening store and extra hands in our garden so that I can plant things that grow.  I want to celebrate this year’s Mother’s Day by making the earth rich and fertile and creating life that I can look at outside the kitchen window when I am doing dishes later this summer and be reminded of Mother’s Day.  I am trying to decide what flowers and plants I want to put in.

Mother’s Day has different meanings to all of us.  It is an especially painful holiday when your womb and arms are empty, when your power to reproduce or be a mother is in someone else’s hands.  But you do have power to visualize what it will be like when you are a mother and in so doing, by creating every detail down to the smells and textures, to the exhaustion you will feel at the thought of cleaning up the mother’s day mess in the kitchen, you help speed your way to its manifestation.  Create your future mother’s day and write it down.  Live it in your head.  Don’t for a second doubt it will be real.  The flowers this year are only a start for me.  I need to visualize more Mother’s days, with more babies.  Where will I be then, what flowers will I be planting?

And you know what, as I am writing this, I remember that my first Mother’s Day as a mother, I planted a rose bush in the garden of the house we were renting.  I had made a promise to myself before my very first IVF cycle that I would thank the earth and plant something to remember that time in my life.  I totally forgot about that.  WOW.   Maybe this is my way of celebrating.  But clearly, that promise has been realized.  Yours will be too.  And mine will be again.

So, what does your perfect Mother’s day look like?

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Feeling Overwhelmed and the Wonder of Autumn

November 6, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood

I’ve had a lot going on recently — between travelling for work, representing clients, and getting ready to launch an egg donation agency my plate is pretty full — on top of which I have family issues and a back that doesn’t really want to let me stand up straight (a metaphor for my life if ever there was one).  I was talking to my coach about how overwhelmed I feel and how does a business owner, lawyer, any professional person in general deal with that.  I also feel that a recent visit to Dr. Chung to address my own reproductive issues brought up a lot of memories and feelings which just added to feeling like I couldn’t manage my own life.  I know we all get there sometimes.  The days you don’t want to get out of bed, the days you want to take a mental health day from work, the days nothing goes right and you find yourself digging through your pocket book for chocolate or xanax or both!  LOL!

My coach gave me a lot to think about and work on and I must say that we worked through many of my personal issues surrounding feeling overwhelmed and now I am feeling much more empowered, but the bottom line I think was that I was (1) avoiding facing the issues and work that were bugging me ; (2) I wasn’t taking time for myself (hello Martyr Liz); and (3) I wasn’t taking time to look around me and feel grateful for things.

So this morning, as I do almost every morning, I sat down for my meditation time (which I will admit I haven’t had in over a month because of the demands of work) and I looked out the window of my sun porch and NOTICED the beautiful yellow and orange trees outside my windows.  Literally overnight they had gone from green to the amazing mix of colors, they are blazing with light and color and reminding me of the limitless capacity we all have for change.  Feeling overwhelmed is only a feeling.  Feelings are not facts, and they do not usually accurately represent where we are in our leaves.  If the trees in my backyard can go from spring green to autumn blazing bold orange and gold overnight, than so can we.  We can go from feeling overwhelmed, stuck, frustrated, anxious, or even despair at the stress in our lives presented by childlessness, infertility, infertility treatment, worries about follicle counts and E2 levels, birth mothers not returning our calls, our adoption cell phones not ringing, our agency calling to tell us our referral has been delayed (again) . . . whatever it is . . . to recognizing that we really are all okay, everything is perfect in our lives right now and that we are safe and not alone.  It doesn’t take much.  For me all it took was taking a break and looking and really seeing outside the window of my world.  That tree changed overnight.  Nothing is permanent or forever.  Those leaves will be gone in a few days leaving me with new views to ponder.  Tomorrow your E2 level will be different, you might get  a call that a spot opened up on a dr’s wait list, or your referral might come in from your agency.

Take a moment and look at something outside of your normal consciousness.  Something you take for granted, something you ignore.  Notice how beautiful and miraculous it is.  The write down what you noticed about it, and then write down everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.

Next, write down the opposite of everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.  Write down the way you want it to be.  That tree in my yard changed overnight.  In a few days it will change again.  It reminded me that our lives our fluid and constantly moving.  Our feelings are just feelings.  Write them down, then write down what you want the reality to be.  I bet you anything that just like the blazing fire of autumnal glory outside my window that is transfixing me and inspiring me, the thing you look at will change your perspective as well and you will see or remember that the list of what you want is moving closer to you every second.

And if that didn’t work . . . just remember this adage someone once told me.  Imagine you are swimming in the ocean toward the shore.  But the current is so strong that as you swim you get no closer to land.  However, every stroke of your arms and kick of your legs fighting that current is making your legs and arms stronger.  When that current releases you, you will literally fly through the water toward the land at a speed you cannot comprehend right now.  Every stroke is building muscle.  Every breathe is keeping you strong.  Because nothing is permanent and that current will disappear and you will be swimming faster toward your dreams and goals than you can even begin to comprehend now as you fight with that current.  Surrender to the current.

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Inspiration for Overcoming the Fear of Infertility – Next Homework Assignment

September 19, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Check This Out, Peace to Parenthood, The Journey to Parenthood

Hi, it’s Liz again. We’re having some blog adminsitation issues and I wanted you to know it’s me . . . anyway, I blogged yesterday about being stuck and I decided to just surrender to being stuck and see if the inspiration would come. While I was watching the video that will be the subject of this blog and another video I will blog about momentarily, I received some inspiration that is helping me rediscover the joy in my business of helping people have babies. It may be that while I continue to draft egg donation and surrogacy agreements and the like, that I go back to writing books. My eBook on egg donation has been very satisfying and people have been asking me a lot about when my next book is coming out, am I doing an anniversary addition of the cult classic The Infertility Survival Handbook . . . I feel like that guy (we shall call him the dude and I mean no disrespect) in the parable where there is a giant flood and all these people come to rescue him and he keeps sending them away saying that God would rescue him. Then he dies and he is at the Gates of St. Peter facing God and God wants to know why the dude is there and the dude wants to know why God didn’t save him. God turns to the dude and says, what do you think those people were? I sent you a row boat, a police boat, and a helicopter. What the heck are you doing here?

I truly believe all the people asking me about my books and my writing is the little voice I have been trying to hear, telling me to focus on my writing and I will find my joy and bliss again. And then I saw this and another video (subject of another blog) avout Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke and her inspirational message and I got more inspiration (that almost exactly matches some ideas I had written down over a year ago and completely forgotten until today). No matter what brought you to my blog, this video clip is remarkeable and has some value for everyone. I urge you to watch it. And if you’re here to continue to talk to me about overcoming our fear of infertility and finding a more rewarding, peaceful path as we wait to become parents, this video will begin our next homework assignment.

Love and Light,

Liz (who is honored, blessed and inspired to be The Stork Lawyer)

Here is the video
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