Posts Tagged ‘movies’

March 8, 2010 | By: Liz | Filed under: Thinking Out Loud

I have decided that the Dixie Chics have the best infertility anthem ever; the song “So hard”.  Actually that entire album is great when you are down on your child bearing capabilities or waiting for a baby.  I was listening to it this morning at the dog park and I was thinking about the comments Celine Dion got on her story in People Mag, and on an unsolicited series of communications I received from a partner at a law firm I used to work for.  He linked to me in Linked In and proceeded to accuse me of committing all sorts of sins by helping people have babies through IVF and even domestic adoption.   Much as one reader criticized Celine Dion for not adopting internationally, this man accused of me “moral relativism” (whatever that is) and said that IVF was conceited.  Yeah, well, to each his own I guess.  Quite frankly, to all those people on high horses thinking they have done something god like because they rescued a child from an orphanage somewhere like Russia, I ask what about all the children in foster care in this country?  I think The Blind Side (the movie Sandra Bullock won her oscar for last night) is an incredibly eye opening story about what Americans are not seeing in their own country, and how children are suffering here.  And Precious.  OMG.

I mean really, you want to accuse me of moral relativism for going through 7 IVF cycles, 10 miscarriages, and three domestic adoptions (only two of which resulted in permanent placements, and my gorgeous beautiful babies), fine so be it, but don’t give me some holier than thou BS, you want to do good and say you are superior to me, adopt an older child from the foster care system, someone who has been abused or abandoned.  Sandra Bullock thanked all those very wise and strong people who have loved a child that was otherwise left without hope.  Indeed two of the Best Picture nominees, The Blind Side and Precious, would be movies I suggest the people who criticized Celine Dion and the gentleman who accused me of having poor morals, watch and think about.

Do you really think that any single one of us has the right to judge the other?  Especially when it comes to something so intimate like family building.  I don’t believe it’s conceited to want to feel a baby grow inside me.  I don’t believe it’s conceited to want to adopt a newborn, nor do I think the vast majority of birth mothers in the US are “coerced” (as that gentleman alleged) by other people into placing their child for adoption.  They may be economically coerced, they may be coerced by the life they are stuck in, but any birth mother that can make the self sacrificing choice to place her child with another family to give that child a better life (whether in this country or another) is someone truly worthy of being called a hero.  And the international adoption community was until recently (and may still be) rife with black market baby stealing, and ethical issues that the Hague was designed to prevent.  No system of child bearing, family building, whatever you want to call it is better than another.  None of us are morally superior to the other.  None of us.  We all have to walk our own path.

And as the Dixie Chics understand very well, for most of us infertile people, that path is So hard.

So do me a favor.  Lay off Celine Dion for trying to have another baby through IVF.  Lay off me for trying to help people have children however they choose to do so.  My goal is to build families and to return the gifts that have been given to me by Dr. Chung (a gift to his patients and reproductive science), all the amazing people at Cornell (M. and L., Dr. Rosenwaks and Dr. Spandorfer), my husband, my children’s birth parents, just to name a few of the people who have blessed me.

And know this, my office, my practice, my agency, are and will always hopefully be a safe haven for my clients.  I promise never to judge you.  I promise to help you achieve your dreams (even if that means working with another agency, lawyer, whatever) . . . I am paying my blessings forward (as another great movie would say).  Moral relativism or not.

And what the hell is moral relativism anyway?

Tags: actresses, adoption, Birth Family, Domestic Adoption Planning, hollywood, infertility, Inspiration, movies

February 22, 2010 | By: Liz | Filed under: Check This Out, Infertility In The Movies etc.

Okay, Jennifer Aniston and Johnny Depp do not star in this film but it was posted on a friend’s FB page and I watched the trailer.  And I think you should too.  I want to watch the entire movie . . . but more importantly, as I continue on my review of movies from Hollywood with an infertility theme (latest was Julie and Julia) I really think that someone other than a physician with connections needs to do a movie on this.  Or a television show.  Something.  not to get on my soapbox too many times but seriously, 12 million Americans have infertility.  You don’t think some screenwriter out there could come up with a realistic screenplay for a movie on infertility?????  Or hey, what about reality tv?  We have 16 and pregnant, the duggars, a baby story, stories of adoptees reuniting with their birth families, survivor, an adoption story, why on god’s green earth don’t we have a tv show documenting what we go through to become parents???????

In the meantime, watch this.  It’s worth it.  Infertility Movie

Tags: hollywood, infertility, movies, youtube

March 3, 2009 | By: Danielle | Filed under: Infertility In The Movies etc.

Hi everyone! This is Danielle, Liz’s associate.  It’s been a while since I blogged! 

When Liz told me about her new idea for the blog – watching and reviewing movies about infertility and adoption – I thought it would be interesting to join in the project.  I, too, often get so irritated by the way Hollywood deals with these subjects.  Sometimes I even get angry – don’t get me started on the “shady adoption lawyer” cliché that spanned so many episodes of Desperate Housewives a few seasons ago (the entire way that show handled Gabriel’s infertility and subsequent “miraculous” conceptions really bothered me, but I will make that the subject of a different Hollywood post!).  So, Liz let me borrow her first movie – A Smile Like Yours, with Greg Kinnear and Lauren Holly, and I thought I would post my reaction here.  

I watched this movie with some friends – none of whom have any experience with infertility (to my knowledge), so it was interesting to hear the reactions from people who were not familiar with the situations presented in this movie, as well. 

We all liked it.  Ok, it’s not Oscar-worthy or anything, but it was a cute, touching movie that, in my opinion, depicted the experiences of a couple experiencing infertility honestly and sensitively.  A brief synopsis – the movie is about a couple who, after unsuccessfully attempting conception the old fashion way, find themselves trying cycle after cycle to have a child through ART, until it puts a strain on their marriage and they need to reevaluate what they really want for their marriage and their family.  I thought they did a great job of showing just how taxing the endless doctors appointments and disappointments of numerous failed cycles can be on a relationship.  Without giving away too much of the plot (for those of you who want to see the movie), let’s just say that “another woman” threatens the marriage at one point.  When I asked the roomful of people that I was with what their opinions were after watching the movie, the first thing they said was that they couldn’t believe how much strain trying to have a child could put on a couple.  They commented on how, after all those months of trying, and all those doctors appointments and medical procedures, they can see how it would be easy to loose sight of why you are doing all this in the first place, and they understood why the couple in the movie decided to step back and take a break for a while – to rediscover themselves and their marriage, and regroup before trying again.

When Liz watched the movie, she mentioned to me that she thought the ending was misleading, and I agree.  SPOILER ALERT: Don’t continue reading if you have plans to watch this movie, because I am about to reveal the ending!!  Like I mentioned, before the end of the movie, the couple decides to take a break from trying to conceive and just enjoy being married for a while.  The next scene starts with “Two Years Later” written across the screen – and the couple is happily taking their triplets out for a joy ride (in a convertible, mind you!) and playing with them at the park. There is no mention about how they had those triplets, and anyone without knowledge of ART and infertility would likely assume that it was another one of those “Hollywood miracles” (like the formally infertile Gabriel from Desperate Housewives, or Charlotte from Sex and the City who just happened to get pregnant accidentally after years of trying and being told by doctors that they were infertile).  I, and Liz, of course, immediately assumed that they went back for at least one more IVF cycle, and this time they were successful with triplets.  So I asked the people in the room with me what they thought about this scene – how did they think the couple got pregnant?  And their initial responses were along the lines of “they just relaxed about it and it happened.” Hmm….they just relaxed and had triplets on their own?  Not likely.  I explained the more likely scenario to my friends, who then agreed that I was probably right.  It is unfortunate that this otherwise well-done movie helped perpetrate the “just relax and it will happen” stereotype that seems to permeate so much of Hollywood (on-screen and off).

So…with that said, overall I would recommend this movie.  With the exception of the last scene, I think they did a great job portraying the life of a couple dealing with infertility.   I just wish they would have made the correct ending a little clearer – maybe the screen should have read “Two Years – and 2 more IVF cycles – later.”  That probably would have been more accurate!

Tags: hollywood, infertility, movies

January 7, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: I'm Just Another Angry Infertile Woman

So my rant about Hollywood actresses now out of my system, I have decided to undertake a new project.  I am going to start surveying (and my DH has agreed to assist me and provide his input) as many movies, books and other media stories about infertility and adoption.  I want honesty in this industry, so I want to see how honest and/or accurate Hollywood, the press, and authors are about infertility and adoption.  I love Adoptive Families’ Magazine’s Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down column.  I loved reading about gestational surrogacy on the front page of The New York Times Magazine.  But I want to see more about how people are addressing it.

I recently came across a book entitled “Motherhood after Age 35″ at an adoption conference I spoke at.  I was curious.  It seems so common these days for women to have children after the age of 35, why write a book about it?  What’s different about being a mother after Age 35?  I’m going to find out.

I went online on the internet movie database and compiled a preliminary list of movies about infertility and adoption.  The movie Juno was awesome, how many others are as accurate or sensitive?  I noticed that one of my favorite new books Knit Two by Kate Jacobs has a sub-plot dealing with infertility.  The Discovery Channel has a show on adoption: Adoption Stories (hey why are there no infertility stories? There are a dozen shows on having babies but why aren’t their any on infertility?)

And so I begin.  Tonight my DH and I are watching a movie entitled A Smile Like Yours starring Greg Kinnear and Lauren Holly.  I have also purchased Miss. Conception starring Heather Graham.  These are just a few of what I suspect will be a very long list of movies and books.  I am hoping I will be pleasantly surprised.  I also am hoping that I will get to spend some quality time with DH and get some good reading in. 

I will post my reviews under a new category (Infertility In The Movies etc. under the Check This Out Blog category)  and I welcome feedback and suggestions for other titles to watch/read.  Maybe I’ll  add a suggested reading/viewing list to The Two Week Wait Care Package

We shall see . . . .

Tags: adoption, books, hollywood, infertility, movies