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Archive for September, 2009

Adoption Scam in NY

September 28, 2009 | By: | Filed under: adoption, Current Affairs

From Today’s New York Law Journal

Lawyer Accused of Stealing In Adoption Scheme

A Roslyn lawyer already under investigation in connection with real estate fraud was arrested Friday and charged with stealing thousands of dollars from prospective adoptive parents. Nassau District Attorney Kathleen M. Rice said in a statement that Kevin Cohen, 41, promised couples “babies that didn’t exist” and pocketed the money while telling them the funds were in escrow accounts while the adoptions were pending.

One couple paid Mr. Cohen $65,000 after he falsely claimed to have located two prospective birth mothers who sought to adopt out their children, Ms. Rice said. Mr. Cohen, founded the nonprofit Roslyn Adoption Annex in 2004, which provides services to adoptive parents and adopted children. He is charged with second-degree grand larceny, first-degree scheme to defraud and third-degree criminal possession of a forged instrument. Mr. Cohen pleaded not guilty Friday afternoon but remained behind bars on $250,000 bail. — Vesselin Mitev



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Fear of IVF, or Pregnancy, or Infertility Treatment Failure – Homework Assignment No. 2

September 28, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood

This is supposed to be my quiet time.  My meditation time.  My alone time.  But no, alas, even with an earlier than normal wake-up time the house is buzzing with activity and my alone time must somehow be found surrounded by family, and soon in the mad rush to get to work.  But before everyone woke up I read something profound and I realized that perhaps this is a possible answer/solution to our fear of failure.  It’s from a book titled Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  For some of you, it may way out there woo-woo kind of stuff.  But I am finding the book very enlightening.  I am working really hard on changing the way I THINK about things.  I want a more positive, life-affirming attitude.  I am definitely one of those make lemonade out of lemons kind of people, but truth be told, behind all the glasses of lemonade I am still filled with a deep and undying desire to be pregnant.  I have two beautiful children for whom I am profoundly grateful and would never change a day of my journey if it meant that I wasn’t THEIR mother.  But still.  There is a piece of me, just like in all infertility patients and all of my clients that yearns for something more.  I still yearn to be pregnant.  I feel like the guy in the movie Love Happens (Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Anniston) who admits at the end of the move — oops, don’t want to give the ending away if you haven’t seen it!

Anyway, the passage is on page 50 of Ask and It Is Given, and it’s all about how if you realize you don’t want your car anymore and you decide you need a new car that the Universe will immediately start to bring that new car to you.  However, if you continue to focus on all the reasons you don’t want your current car, you are sending mixed messages to the Universe and it can’t deliver the new car.  By focusing on everything you DO NOT WANT about the car you have, you stop the Universe from bringing the new car to you (and let’s forget about how, when or why the Universe will bring you the new car.  Let’s assume for purpose of this post and your upcoming homework assignment that it WILL bring you the new car).

Now let’s substitute a baby or a pregnancy for the new car.  You want to be a mom or a dad.  But instead of focusing on being a mom or a dad, you’re stuck focusing on your fear of it not happening, of everything you hate about infertility treatment, about your lack-luster E2 level, whatever it is that you DON’T LIKE about your infertility or your adoption journey (hey, those dossiers are definitely a PIA to prepare).

Homework Assignment #2:  For the next few days think about what you’re thinking about.  See if you can carry a notebook around with you and everytime you have a negative thought, write it down and then next to it, replace it with a positive thought.  In the car hypothetical above it would work like this: Everytime you think of a reason you don’t want your current car, write down a quality you want in the new car.  Let’s say you want a new car because your current car isn’t reliable.  It’s in the shop constantly.  Instead of complaining about that unreliability and focusing on the unreliable, start thinking about what cars are reliable, start thinking about what it would be like to have a reliable car.  Make a list of reliable car manufacturers.  Replace the thought of unreliability with a thought of reliability.  Now let’s take this into the infertility and adoption world.   You just had a thought about how your follicles are developing really slowly.  Your scared they won’t develop or that you will get a lead follicle.  Write that thought down!  or whatever, just make note of it.  Now replace it with a thought or a vision of all of your follicles being 17mm.  In the column or line next to the negative or fear filled thought, put a thought like: “I just found out all my follicles are 17 or 18mm.  Tonight I find out if I get my trigger shot.  This is so exciting!”  You could elaborate more if you wanted or just keep it simple.  But make it a positive thought.

Slowly, every day I want us all to start replacing all our crappy, negative thoughts with a positive thought.  And then let’s see what happens!!

Love and Light,

your woo-woo Stork Lawyer who is off to draft a retainer agreement for a new client!  I am so excited to work her!



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10 Ways to Have a Baby

September 21, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Check This Out

I am reading a blog, title above, and it contains nothing I don’t already know.  The author is knowledgeable, but why do I feel she’s a judgmental (insert your word of choice here).  I need to mull my reaction to this article over a little but what do you think?  Informative or Offensive?

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-09-13/10-weird-ways-to-have-a-baby/



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Inspiration for Overcoming the Fear of Infertility – Next Homework Assignment

September 19, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Check This Out, Peace to Parenthood, The Journey to Parenthood

Hi, it’s Liz again. We’re having some blog adminsitation issues and I wanted you to know it’s me . . . anyway, I blogged yesterday about being stuck and I decided to just surrender to being stuck and see if the inspiration would come. While I was watching the video that will be the subject of this blog and another video I will blog about momentarily, I received some inspiration that is helping me rediscover the joy in my business of helping people have babies. It may be that while I continue to draft egg donation and surrogacy agreements and the like, that I go back to writing books. My eBook on egg donation has been very satisfying and people have been asking me a lot about when my next book is coming out, am I doing an anniversary addition of the cult classic The Infertility Survival Handbook . . . I feel like that guy (we shall call him the dude and I mean no disrespect) in the parable where there is a giant flood and all these people come to rescue him and he keeps sending them away saying that God would rescue him. Then he dies and he is at the Gates of St. Peter facing God and God wants to know why the dude is there and the dude wants to know why God didn’t save him. God turns to the dude and says, what do you think those people were? I sent you a row boat, a police boat, and a helicopter. What the heck are you doing here?

I truly believe all the people asking me about my books and my writing is the little voice I have been trying to hear, telling me to focus on my writing and I will find my joy and bliss again. And then I saw this and another video (subject of another blog) avout Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke and her inspirational message and I got more inspiration (that almost exactly matches some ideas I had written down over a year ago and completely forgotten until today). No matter what brought you to my blog, this video clip is remarkeable and has some value for everyone. I urge you to watch it. And if you’re here to continue to talk to me about overcoming our fear of infertility and finding a more rewarding, peaceful path as we wait to become parents, this video will begin our next homework assignment.

Love and Light,

Liz (who is honored, blessed and inspired to be The Stork Lawyer)

Here is the video
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Jennifer Aniston might do a donor IUI, Katherine Heigl (sp?) adopts and I am STUCK.

September 17, 2009 | By: | Filed under: Thinking Out Loud

Okay, I have been thinking a lot about Kate’s post about overcoming fear. It is particularly relevant to my own life since my mother-in-law passed away and my life has turned topsy turvy, I don’t know which way is up and I am NOT enjoying the rollercoaster. I am riding it just like I recommended, and I am surrendering to it . . . but I have so much work to do (my eBook on egg donation is nearing completion and while it will be free in the beginning, I am probably going to self-publish it as part of a three book series on family building, and sell it for under ten dollars), the problem is that I do not feel inspired, I do not feel motivated . . . I just long to curl up in bed and knit and watch re-runs of the West Wing.

But then I get trapped because each episode reminds me of some event from my infertility as my BFF and I marked the weeks of each cycle by the episodes, and then my BFF and I would anxiously await the following week’s episode as that would mean we were one week closer to retrieval or whatever. So I watch an episode of the West Wing and it fails to satisfy and it fails to bring back any memories. WTF?

I then realize that I am seriously and unforgivingly stuck but I have no idea why and no idea where. What happened? I resort to coping mechanisms other than the west wing. I clean my desk, I file outdated receipts, I almost completely catch up on client work, I am even blessed enough to get a few new clients. Still Stuck. Maybe I need to focus on the future?

I have a great conference call with my cybermarketing guru and my egg donor recruiter to discuss my plans to open an egg donation division of my office . . . all but one legal document to finish and where I should be celebrating and rejoicing that for ONCE I am on top of the work flow, that we are so close to being ready to launch the agency, instead I feel even more STUCK STUCK STUCK. So.

I listen inward for inspiration.
I read a knitting catalog.
I surf the internet to find out what is new in the world of adoption and infertility treatment (which provides today’s title as it seems quite the opposite of how I feel).
I print out flight schedules for an upcoming ABA meeting on asssited reproductive technologies where I am moderating a panel of experts and for my trip to attend ASRM’s annual meeting.
STILL STUCK.
Rollercoasters do not go flat. They have hairbending, hair raising, vomit inspiring turns.
I wonder if it is my medicine for my back making me feel depressed.
I get into bed to rest my back which is responding to my internal stress and the rainy weather. Maybe less medicine and more rest (so it hurts less?).
I make a to-do list.
I write some of my eBook.
STILL STUCK!
I make plans to update the website for the law practice. I realize I now have to talk about two different websites. Two different aspects of my life where I help people have babies. That’s cool. I smile and say a prayer to than the All-That-Is.
I take a look at the web copy for the new website for the agency.
I print out all the webpages for the storklawyer website so I can update them.
I work more on the eBook.
I do some research on the various ways to publish the eBook.
STILL STUCK!

So I ask myself, what am I stuck in?
This it turns out is a very good question. I list the ways I feel stuck. My body is physically stuck. I seem to be stuck hormonally. I need to go see Dr. Chung because something is just not right in my reproductive system. I have gained 8 lbs in the last month, and it’s all water, NOT oreos. My engagement ring wouldn’t go on today. That has never happened before. I seem to be stuck worrying about moving to another state or part of the country (part of the reinvention plan I mentioned before). Maybe I don’t want to move so much after all. I seem to be stuck wanting another baby (okay ain’t NOTHING new about that one).

It is not a comfortable place to be and I do not feel (even though I just read a fantastic article on dealing with fear) anywhere near competent enough to answer Kate’s questions about dealing with the fears surrounding infertility when I am so unbelievably stuck in whatever it is I am stuck in. The rollercoaster awaits, I am in the NOW, and I yet I feel as if my feet were stuck in cement.

I wish I had the excitement these ladies have in their life, a new baby from Korea, contemplating (perhaps that is overstating Jennifer’s comments to Ellen DeGeneres) doing an IUI with donor sperm.

I go back to my list. I think over the last six weeks of my life. Possibly the most bizarre and challenging and sad months since I was going through infertility treatment (but then I knew what was causing my problems). Is it possible that I am just in unknown territory? My world changed in so many ways this summer. My beloved MIL is gone, Danielle is working somewhere else, I have new staff starting in my office, the kids are back in school, we have a little tiny bit of money in the bank (normally we don’t have very much “extra” thanks to the economy) which will help us pay down some debt . . . life is actually very good in many ways. I miss my best BFF who I fear is no longer my best BFF but then I know relationships go in stages . . . maybe what I am feeling is just new and different and I am desperately trying to find something familiar? What is going on?
Is mercury retrograde or something?
Being Stuck stinks.
And I hate twitter.
sorry to be a downer.
if you have any suggestions or thoughts, I am open to hearing any idea that might move me in a more comfortable direction.

Liz



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