Fear of IVF, or Pregnancy, or Infertility Treatment Failure – Homework Assignment No. 2
September 28, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood
This is supposed to be my quiet time. My meditation time. My alone time. But no, alas, even with an earlier than normal wake-up time the house is buzzing with activity and my alone time must somehow be found surrounded by family, and soon in the mad rush to get to work. But before everyone woke up I read something profound and I realized that perhaps this is a possible answer/solution to our fear of failure. It’s from a book titled Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks. For some of you, it may way out there woo-woo kind of stuff. But I am finding the book very enlightening. I am working really hard on changing the way I THINK about things. I want a more positive, life-affirming attitude. I am definitely one of those make lemonade out of lemons kind of people, but truth be told, behind all the glasses of lemonade I am still filled with a deep and undying desire to be pregnant. I have two beautiful children for whom I am profoundly grateful and would never change a day of my journey if it meant that I wasn’t THEIR mother. But still. There is a piece of me, just like in all infertility patients and all of my clients that yearns for something more. I still yearn to be pregnant. I feel like the guy in the movie Love Happens (Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Anniston) who admits at the end of the move — oops, don’t want to give the ending away if you haven’t seen it!
Anyway, the passage is on page 50 of Ask and It Is Given, and it’s all about how if you realize you don’t want your car anymore and you decide you need a new car that the Universe will immediately start to bring that new car to you. However, if you continue to focus on all the reasons you don’t want your current car, you are sending mixed messages to the Universe and it can’t deliver the new car. By focusing on everything you DO NOT WANT about the car you have, you stop the Universe from bringing the new car to you (and let’s forget about how, when or why the Universe will bring you the new car. Let’s assume for purpose of this post and your upcoming homework assignment that it WILL bring you the new car).
Now let’s substitute a baby or a pregnancy for the new car. You want to be a mom or a dad. But instead of focusing on being a mom or a dad, you’re stuck focusing on your fear of it not happening, of everything you hate about infertility treatment, about your lack-luster E2 level, whatever it is that you DON’T LIKE about your infertility or your adoption journey (hey, those dossiers are definitely a PIA to prepare).
Homework Assignment #2: For the next few days think about what you’re thinking about. See if you can carry a notebook around with you and everytime you have a negative thought, write it down and then next to it, replace it with a positive thought. In the car hypothetical above it would work like this: Everytime you think of a reason you don’t want your current car, write down a quality you want in the new car. Let’s say you want a new car because your current car isn’t reliable. It’s in the shop constantly. Instead of complaining about that unreliability and focusing on the unreliable, start thinking about what cars are reliable, start thinking about what it would be like to have a reliable car. Make a list of reliable car manufacturers. Replace the thought of unreliability with a thought of reliability. Now let’s take this into the infertility and adoption world. You just had a thought about how your follicles are developing really slowly. Your scared they won’t develop or that you will get a lead follicle. Write that thought down! or whatever, just make note of it. Now replace it with a thought or a vision of all of your follicles being 17mm. In the column or line next to the negative or fear filled thought, put a thought like: “I just found out all my follicles are 17 or 18mm. Tonight I find out if I get my trigger shot. This is so exciting!” You could elaborate more if you wanted or just keep it simple. But make it a positive thought.
Slowly, every day I want us all to start replacing all our crappy, negative thoughts with a positive thought. And then let’s see what happens!!
Love and Light,
your woo-woo Stork Lawyer who is off to draft a retainer agreement for a new client! I am so excited to work her!