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Archive for the ‘Peace to Parenthood’ Category

Feeling Overwhelmed and the Wonder of Autumn

November 6, 2009 | By:

I’ve had a lot going on recently — between travelling for work, representing clients, and getting ready to launch an egg donation agency my plate is pretty full — on top of which I have family issues and a back that doesn’t really want to let me stand up straight (a metaphor for my life if ever there was one).  I was talking to my coach about how overwhelmed I feel and how does a business owner, lawyer, any professional person in general deal with that.  I also feel that a recent visit to Dr. Chung to address my own reproductive issues brought up a lot of memories and feelings which just added to feeling like I couldn’t manage my own life.  I know we all get there sometimes.  The days you don’t want to get out of bed, the days you want to take a mental health day from work, the days nothing goes right and you find yourself digging through your pocket book for chocolate or xanax or both!  LOL!

My coach gave me a lot to think about and work on and I must say that we worked through many of my personal issues surrounding feeling overwhelmed and now I am feeling much more empowered, but the bottom line I think was that I was (1) avoiding facing the issues and work that were bugging me ; (2) I wasn’t taking time for myself (hello Martyr Liz); and (3) I wasn’t taking time to look around me and feel grateful for things.

So this morning, as I do almost every morning, I sat down for my meditation time (which I will admit I haven’t had in over a month because of the demands of work) and I looked out the window of my sun porch and NOTICED the beautiful yellow and orange trees outside my windows.  Literally overnight they had gone from green to the amazing mix of colors, they are blazing with light and color and reminding me of the limitless capacity we all have for change.  Feeling overwhelmed is only a feeling.  Feelings are not facts, and they do not usually accurately represent where we are in our leaves.  If the trees in my backyard can go from spring green to autumn blazing bold orange and gold overnight, than so can we.  We can go from feeling overwhelmed, stuck, frustrated, anxious, or even despair at the stress in our lives presented by childlessness, infertility, infertility treatment, worries about follicle counts and E2 levels, birth mothers not returning our calls, our adoption cell phones not ringing, our agency calling to tell us our referral has been delayed (again) . . . whatever it is . . . to recognizing that we really are all okay, everything is perfect in our lives right now and that we are safe and not alone.  It doesn’t take much.  For me all it took was taking a break and looking and really seeing outside the window of my world.  That tree changed overnight.  Nothing is permanent or forever.  Those leaves will be gone in a few days leaving me with new views to ponder.  Tomorrow your E2 level will be different, you might get  a call that a spot opened up on a dr’s wait list, or your referral might come in from your agency.

Take a moment and look at something outside of your normal consciousness.  Something you take for granted, something you ignore.  Notice how beautiful and miraculous it is.  The write down what you noticed about it, and then write down everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.

Next, write down the opposite of everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.  Write down the way you want it to be.  That tree in my yard changed overnight.  In a few days it will change again.  It reminded me that our lives our fluid and constantly moving.  Our feelings are just feelings.  Write them down, then write down what you want the reality to be.  I bet you anything that just like the blazing fire of autumnal glory outside my window that is transfixing me and inspiring me, the thing you look at will change your perspective as well and you will see or remember that the list of what you want is moving closer to you every second.

And if that didn’t work . . . just remember this adage someone once told me.  Imagine you are swimming in the ocean toward the shore.  But the current is so strong that as you swim you get no closer to land.  However, every stroke of your arms and kick of your legs fighting that current is making your legs and arms stronger.  When that current releases you, you will literally fly through the water toward the land at a speed you cannot comprehend right now.  Every stroke is building muscle.  Every breathe is keeping you strong.  Because nothing is permanent and that current will disappear and you will be swimming faster toward your dreams and goals than you can even begin to comprehend now as you fight with that current.  Surrender to the current.

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Fear of IVF, or Pregnancy, or Infertility Treatment Failure – Homework Assignment No. 2

September 28, 2009 | By:

This is supposed to be my quiet time.  My meditation time.  My alone time.  But no, alas, even with an earlier than normal wake-up time the house is buzzing with activity and my alone time must somehow be found surrounded by family, and soon in the mad rush to get to work.  But before everyone woke up I read something profound and I realized that perhaps this is a possible answer/solution to our fear of failure.  It’s from a book titled Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  For some of you, it may way out there woo-woo kind of stuff.  But I am finding the book very enlightening.  I am working really hard on changing the way I THINK about things.  I want a more positive, life-affirming attitude.  I am definitely one of those make lemonade out of lemons kind of people, but truth be told, behind all the glasses of lemonade I am still filled with a deep and undying desire to be pregnant.  I have two beautiful children for whom I am profoundly grateful and would never change a day of my journey if it meant that I wasn’t THEIR mother.  But still.  There is a piece of me, just like in all infertility patients and all of my clients that yearns for something more.  I still yearn to be pregnant.  I feel like the guy in the movie Love Happens (Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Anniston) who admits at the end of the move — oops, don’t want to give the ending away if you haven’t seen it!

Anyway, the passage is on page 50 of Ask and It Is Given, and it’s all about how if you realize you don’t want your car anymore and you decide you need a new car that the Universe will immediately start to bring that new car to you.  However, if you continue to focus on all the reasons you don’t want your current car, you are sending mixed messages to the Universe and it can’t deliver the new car.  By focusing on everything you DO NOT WANT about the car you have, you stop the Universe from bringing the new car to you (and let’s forget about how, when or why the Universe will bring you the new car.  Let’s assume for purpose of this post and your upcoming homework assignment that it WILL bring you the new car).

Now let’s substitute a baby or a pregnancy for the new car.  You want to be a mom or a dad.  But instead of focusing on being a mom or a dad, you’re stuck focusing on your fear of it not happening, of everything you hate about infertility treatment, about your lack-luster E2 level, whatever it is that you DON’T LIKE about your infertility or your adoption journey (hey, those dossiers are definitely a PIA to prepare).

Homework Assignment #2:  For the next few days think about what you’re thinking about.  See if you can carry a notebook around with you and everytime you have a negative thought, write it down and then next to it, replace it with a positive thought.  In the car hypothetical above it would work like this: Everytime you think of a reason you don’t want your current car, write down a quality you want in the new car.  Let’s say you want a new car because your current car isn’t reliable.  It’s in the shop constantly.  Instead of complaining about that unreliability and focusing on the unreliable, start thinking about what cars are reliable, start thinking about what it would be like to have a reliable car.  Make a list of reliable car manufacturers.  Replace the thought of unreliability with a thought of reliability.  Now let’s take this into the infertility and adoption world.   You just had a thought about how your follicles are developing really slowly.  Your scared they won’t develop or that you will get a lead follicle.  Write that thought down!  or whatever, just make note of it.  Now replace it with a thought or a vision of all of your follicles being 17mm.  In the column or line next to the negative or fear filled thought, put a thought like: “I just found out all my follicles are 17 or 18mm.  Tonight I find out if I get my trigger shot.  This is so exciting!”  You could elaborate more if you wanted or just keep it simple.  But make it a positive thought.

Slowly, every day I want us all to start replacing all our crappy, negative thoughts with a positive thought.  And then let’s see what happens!!

Love and Light,

your woo-woo Stork Lawyer who is off to draft a retainer agreement for a new client!  I am so excited to work her!

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Inspiration for Overcoming the Fear of Infertility – Next Homework Assignment

September 19, 2009 | By:

Hi, it’s Liz again. We’re having some blog adminsitation issues and I wanted you to know it’s me . . . anyway, I blogged yesterday about being stuck and I decided to just surrender to being stuck and see if the inspiration would come. While I was watching the video that will be the subject of this blog and another video I will blog about momentarily, I received some inspiration that is helping me rediscover the joy in my business of helping people have babies. It may be that while I continue to draft egg donation and surrogacy agreements and the like, that I go back to writing books. My eBook on egg donation has been very satisfying and people have been asking me a lot about when my next book is coming out, am I doing an anniversary addition of the cult classic The Infertility Survival Handbook . . . I feel like that guy (we shall call him the dude and I mean no disrespect) in the parable where there is a giant flood and all these people come to rescue him and he keeps sending them away saying that God would rescue him. Then he dies and he is at the Gates of St. Peter facing God and God wants to know why the dude is there and the dude wants to know why God didn’t save him. God turns to the dude and says, what do you think those people were? I sent you a row boat, a police boat, and a helicopter. What the heck are you doing here?

I truly believe all the people asking me about my books and my writing is the little voice I have been trying to hear, telling me to focus on my writing and I will find my joy and bliss again. And then I saw this and another video (subject of another blog) avout Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke and her inspirational message and I got more inspiration (that almost exactly matches some ideas I had written down over a year ago and completely forgotten until today). No matter what brought you to my blog, this video clip is remarkeable and has some value for everyone. I urge you to watch it. And if you’re here to continue to talk to me about overcoming our fear of infertility and finding a more rewarding, peaceful path as we wait to become parents, this video will begin our next homework assignment.

Love and Light,

Liz (who is honored, blessed and inspired to be The Stork Lawyer)

Here is the video
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