Archive for the ‘The Journey to Parenthood’ Category

Inspiration for Overcoming the Fear of Infertility – Next Homework Assignment

September 19, 2009 | By: Emily

Hi, it’s Liz again. We’re having some blog adminsitation issues and I wanted you to know it’s me . . . anyway, I blogged yesterday about being stuck and I decided to just surrender to being stuck and see if the inspiration would come. While I was watching the video that will be the subject of this blog and another video I will blog about momentarily, I received some inspiration that is helping me rediscover the joy in my business of helping people have babies. It may be that while I continue to draft egg donation and surrogacy agreements and the like, that I go back to writing books. My eBook on egg donation has been very satisfying and people have been asking me a lot about when my next book is coming out, am I doing an anniversary addition of the cult classic The Infertility Survival Handbook . . . I feel like that guy (we shall call him the dude and I mean no disrespect) in the parable where there is a giant flood and all these people come to rescue him and he keeps sending them away saying that God would rescue him. Then he dies and he is at the Gates of St. Peter facing God and God wants to know why the dude is there and the dude wants to know why God didn’t save him. God turns to the dude and says, what do you think those people were? I sent you a row boat, a police boat, and a helicopter. What the heck are you doing here?

I truly believe all the people asking me about my books and my writing is the little voice I have been trying to hear, telling me to focus on my writing and I will find my joy and bliss again. And then I saw this and another video (subject of another blog) avout Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke and her inspirational message and I got more inspiration (that almost exactly matches some ideas I had written down over a year ago and completely forgotten until today). No matter what brought you to my blog, this video clip is remarkeable and has some value for everyone. I urge you to watch it. And if you’re here to continue to talk to me about overcoming our fear of infertility and finding a more rewarding, peaceful path as we wait to become parents, this video will begin our next homework assignment.

Love and Light,

Liz (who is honored, blessed and inspired to be The Stork Lawyer)

Here is the video
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Filed under: Check This Out, Peace to Parenthood, The Journey to Parenthood

Tags: Homework, Inspiration, Jill Bolte Taylor, Peace to Parenthood, The Infertility Survival Handbook, The Stork Lawyer

What Next Syndrome and the Fear Factor

September 1, 2009 | By: Elizabeth

My August put me upside down. I don’t know about you but most of my friends had a lousy month too. My right arm in the office, Danielle, took a position at a law school that means she won’t be working in the office on a regular basis, my mother-in-law passed away, my vacation wasn’t a vacation, and I am way behind on several projects for the office including the first of my E-Books which is so close to being finished I might be able to give up my addiction to Oreos. As a result of the events of this summer and primarily August, my husband and I have landed in a place where we have decided to reinvent our lives. Whatever we have been doing hasn’t been making us very happy (except of course for my work) and so we need to change things. And so we look at each other and say “what next?” But for the first time as we discuss what next, I understand that I need to look at the the what’s after part too and just roll with it. I need to let the roller coaster just take me . . . What the heck does this have to do with family building you ask? Well it has everything to do with it. Because I’ve never looked at the what’s after part because just like every other infertile person, I spent my life working on obtaining the “next” part.

And I saw this in action this week and last week with two sets of clients, each of whom has adopted babies within the last week or so. Each couple is stuck in a hotel right now waiting for ICPC approval to go home and each couple wants to go home so badly (as we all do, there isn’t a lot of fun stuff about living in a hotel with a newborn), but what is really going on is that they are (and I mean this in the MOST loving way possible) freaking out that they are finally parents and they don’t know what to do next. Home is the logical next step, and they have been so focused on steps and process that they are missing the beauty of their honeymoon in a hotel with a newborn. Once they get home, they can never get this time back. They will have family helping with the baby, they will be fighting to hold their own baby, and they will hit the wall of sleep deprivation. But once they are home, there are no more “what’s nexts?” It is just the now. And that is the other thing that is freaking them all out and putting them square in the middle of a parenting version of Fear Factor (I hate reality tv).

Parenting is the ultimate act of Zen living. Your baby gets sick and you have to call in sick to work or find emergency child care. Your baby has colic and you are up all night with a screaming newborn. Your baby doesn’t have colic but has his days and nights reversed and you have 3-6 weeks (or something like that) of living with only re-runs of I Love Lucy to watch instead of Grey’s Anatomy. Or maybe you just can’t plain watch tv because the baby needs to be changed and burped and cuddled. There is no more schedule, forget what’s next or what’s after . . . it’s all about THE NOW.

And after years of waiting and waiting and trying and trying and answering calls from birth mothers or having blood tests and ultrasounds, going from WHAT’S NEXT to THE NOW, well that is one mind bending trip. I don’t blame them for freaking out or being upset. This is the most amazing ride of their life, they just didn’t realize it was coming. Being alone in a hotel with a new baby, of course you want to go home where it’s safe and familiar. But from today forward nothing, not even going home, is going to go as expected or fear familiar (at least not at first). The what’s next, the what’s after, the Now are going to be constantly changing. Lord knows the minute you think you have a schedule, the schedule changes.

So as I sit here and mull over my own “what’s Next” and “What’s After”, I have to remember that it doesn’t really matter. I need to just roll with it. I’ve been blessed to spend the last 7 years learning to roll with it. I am far, far, far from perfect at it . . . but I am much better at it than I was when I was stuck in a hotel waiting for my own ICPC clearance.

To all of you sitting in hotels waiting for ICPC clearance, or those of you about to be sitting in hotels. Relax, breathe and remember that this is going to be the adventure of your life and now is the time to let go of what your next step or plan is, and now is the time to just enjoy. This is your honeymoon with your baby. Enjoy it, and learn to roll with it. It will serve you well in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

I miss my own stays in hotels waiting for ICPC clearance just like my clients. I know this is all hard, and those of you who are still waiting probably want me to step the hell off my soap box now . . . but I am not going to . . . this is all a part of the journey, let go, surrender and roll with it. This is an important parenting skill and I truly think infertility treatment and adoption planning is the BEST boot camp for parenting there is.

Forget what’s next, forget fear factor. Rejoice on the rollercoaster.

Filed under: adoption, The Journey to Parenthood

Why is Farrah Fawcett’s death today relevant to infertility and family building?

June 25, 2009 | By: Elizabeth

Farrah Fawcett’s death today is beyond sad and traggic. The world has lost a vibrant and talented woman who influenced a generation of women and men. From her pro-feminist roles as one of Charlie’s kick-butt Angels to her performance in the Burning Bed, all combined with her bombshell good looks, she served to inspire and enlighten many people around the world for decades.

What does she have to do with infertility? We’ve been talking a lot about visualization and the power of intention on this blog. It got me through my own journey to parenthood and is helping me now during a difficult time in my personal life. I’ve blogged about how I believe that visualizing positive things — like being a parent — instead of focusing on the things that make us profoundly sad and angry — like the fact that we aren’t parents today — brings us to the happy moment when we’re holding our baby or child sooner than we would be if we didn’t use visualization and intent as part of our treatment plan. Farrah was a big believer in the power of visualization and I believe she used visualization as part of her overall approach to treating cancer. Now some of you skeptics are already pointing a finger at me saying that clearly it didn’t work because she died. I disagree.

Farrah Fawcett had an invasive and deadly form of cancer. Most doctors gave her very little time to live. But she defied each and every one of them. News reports weeks ago reported her death — when she was still alive. Her intent to stay alive as long as possible and to live each day to the fullest must have had some impact because she didn’t pass away as quickly as her physicians predicted. She lived far longer than anyone believed was possible! Something she did carried her, kept her strong, and kept her going long after most people had given up hope.

Everyone dies at some point. My point is that here is an example of a woman who used her intent to stay alive to STAY ALIVE. She visualized herself alive and she didn’t die. I suspect she was much more in control of when she did die than any of us will ever understand.

As we mourn the loss of this tremendous woman, take inspiration from her. Visualizing your success and having the intent to become a parent will serve to bring you to the end of this journey faster than if you continue to focus and stay stuck remembering those “no heartbeat on the ultrasound days.”

My thoughts and prayers are with Ms. Fawcett’s family and friends. I will continue to be inspired by this incredible woman, and I will spend more time today believing in what other’s may say is impossible.

Your homework assignment is coming, I promise. 🙂

Filed under: The Journey to Parenthood, Thinking Out Loud

Tags: intent, success, visualization