It’s Confirmed: 40 Really is the New 30! Except . . . Wait . . . Watch Out For the NOvary

September 23, 2010 | By:

Most people who know me, know that I am in my mid-early 40’s.  Turning 40 wasn’t a big deal for me.  I have such a baby face that sometimes I have a hard time getting people to take me seriously.  Turning 40 for me was a milestone of maturity I had long waited for.  You have to take a woman in her 40’s seriously.  If for no other reason than you’ve got the mileage to deserve it.  And yes, thanks to amazing strides in modern medicine (not to mention Botox® and Viagra®), people are living longer and are taking the time to enjoy their life; people are doing things later in life and enjoying them with the vigor and spirit of someone fifteen to twenties years younger.  No longer are we rushing ala “Mad Men” into marriage and childbearing in our 20’s.  Women are taking the time to establish themselves and find the right mate.   Forty has thus become to the former Twenty-Somethings, what 30 was to our parents’ generation.

There is a lot more fun to be had and work to be accomplished, praise to be garnished and shopping for hot “Jeggings” (well maybe not for me) to be done in one’s 40’s.  The “not your mom’s kind of jeans” have given way to a new look for those of us who are fabulous and 40: long hair and tight jeans are acceptable on a 40 year old woman’s body. No longer are these considered unacceptable for a woman of a “certain age”!  No longer does turning 40 qualify you as a “woman of a certain age” and for that matter, neither does turning 50!!  As a dear friend of mine recently turned 40 and all her friends gave her a shout-out on Facebook (and yes, someone not yet 40 begged my friend to confirm that 40 is the new 30), it was generally considered among her already 40 friends that turning 40 was a cause for celebration.   So yes, my friends, your 40’s are a decade to be embraced and not dreaded.

Except for one small, “eensy weensy” factor of which no woman should ignore and most women to my surprise are unaware of . . . have you met

The NOvary?

Who or What is the NOvary?  Well, let me fill you in!  The NOvary is the any-woman’s ovary who has decided not to cooperate with her plans to become a mother.  The NOvary does not care if you’re 30, 35 or 40.  She can and does reside in all women of all ages.  However, she tends to emerge with more Attitude at or around the time you turn 35.  And by the time you turn 40, the NOvary has almost universally decided to take over your reproductive system and your Plan.  The NOvary defies what medical science and a good cosmetic dermatologist have allowed us to enjoy — another decade of productivity and passion for all things, most especially those career, clothing or relationship related.  Because let’s face it, not every woman is ready to, or wants to have a child, in her 30’s.  Indeed, we have been taught to wait and enjoy, and to relish life!  And we should!!  But then as we turn 40 and we’ve lined all our nice little ducks in a row, or decided we don’t need our ducks to be in a row, and we consider parenting, we come face to face with the not-so-new but seemingly unknown nemesis to pregnancy and motherhood:

The NOvary.

The NOvary is the Ovary that says NO to all your carefully defined and created plans.  In the world of fertility, or rather infertility, 40 is from the reproductive endocrinologist’s standpoint, the death of your childbearing years.  The NOvary has not run a slick social media champagne – in fact it’s quite the opposite – she has been enjoying our ride along with us all the while knowing her little secret, and enjoying her secret power.  The NOvary is the Ovary that no longer makes healthy eggs and she is so stealthy and sophisticated that you can actually conceive on your own for a few years as she gains her power and comes into her prime.  But even though she hasn’t hit her full capabilities to destroy your dreams (or so you think) her influence over the eggs she releases on your behalf will cause you to miscarry, and miscarry again.  Lulled into a false sense of security that your eggs are working because you are getting pregnant, she continues to work her evil spell, pushing you farther and farther into her control.

So powerful is the NOvary that she can continue to elude you into believing that you are still fertile even though you’re 40.  So powerful is the NOvary that she can fool even the smartest of reproductive endocrinologists who will look at all your Day-3 data, manage to retrieve some very “healthy” looking eggs from your ovaries, only to find that those fertilized eggs and “beautiful” preembryos don’t turn into the baby you are longing for.  The NOvary can place the cleverest of masks on eggs that are on the verge of retiring, and making them look as fabulous as you do in your 40 something glory.  But the NOvary knows: your eggs have long since passed their expiration date.

How do I know this?  How did I meet the dreaded and feared NOvary?  Over hundreds (and I unfortunately mean hundreds) of my clients have battled her, failed to defeat her, and then faced the reality that (whether they are Thirty-Somethings or Forty-Somethings, married, career in place, or otherwise just determined to become a mom), if they want to realize their dreams of becoming pregnant and having a baby that they would need to bypass the NOvary altogether.

Yes, we can defeat the NOvary.  You still have options and a powerful weapon to defeat the NOvary; one of those options is donor eggs and your success rate using donor eggs is about 50 to 60 times higher (perhaps more than that) than your chances are of defeating the NOvary. Yes, you read that correctly, success rates for using donor eggs are (at some fertility clinics) close to a 60% live birth rate!

Just as medical science has preserved your beauty and created a body that does not look, act or feel anywhere near 40, it has created a technology that can put the NOvary out of business!  But be warned, while 40 is truly the new 30 . . . the NOvary has no intention of catching up with the rest of us, and if you want to have a baby and you haven’t yet decided to TTC or the TTCing isn’t going anywhere, consider the fact that she may be up to her devilish deeds.

Celebrate your age and enjoy your life . . . but please don’t forget she’s out there . . . looming in the shadows and finding new ways to avoid detection by physicians and scientists alike . . . and her name is the NOvary!

Liz

p.s. up next, another option for defeating the NOvary . . . stay tuned!

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Why does Jennifer Aniston’s quest to be a mother inspire me so?

August 19, 2010 | By:

Everyone knows that I am fan of Jennifer’s.  I actually probably wouldn’t be married to my DH if it wasn’t for some advice her mom gave me a long time ago.  But seriously, Jennifer is an extraordinary woman in all respects, and from my perspective even more so for the way she is approaching her quest to be a mom.

At 41, most of know that Jennifer is likely to be facing some fertility issues (although with her health conscious lifestyle and yoga-bod maybe she’s found the way to turn back time, she sure looks it anyway!).  While most of us would be doing a little freak-out dance now, and panicking about the ticking time bomb that are our ovaries, Ms. Aniston seems anything but panicked.  In fact, she seems rather Zen about it all.  And that is exactly my point and what inspires me.

First, the woman KNOWS she is going to be a mom.  One way or another the woman has total and complete faith that she will become a mom.  Rather than spiraling into depression (as I did and many of us do), Jennifer has seemed to have found a way to let go and TRUST.  This is, I think, the gateway to success.

I really truly believe that it is when you completely accept and embrace the concept that you will be a mother, no matter what and no matter how (IUI, IVF, IVF donor egg, gestational surrogacy, adoption, whatever is your path), that fertility treatments have the highest success rates.  Study after study shows that the mind-body connection cannot and should not be ignored.  Women who are able to be in the place that Jennifer Aniston seems to be in, are the women who are more likely to succeed with fertility treatments.  It’s fact not fiction.  I know — as does JA — that she’s got an edge on success that I wish more of my friends and clients had: The inner-knowingness of the inevitability of their impending state of motherhood.

Another thing that I think sets her apart from many of us (and I include myself in this group when I was in the first 4 or 5 years of treatment), is that by all media accounts, she seems fairly open to many different paths to parenthood.  I am not privy to her conversations with her BFF’s but I am guessing that there isn’t much she isn’t considering about how she’s going to become a mom.  That too puts her on the fast track to “mommydom”.  Not all of us can be as enlightened and confident as she is, and I am not saying that she doesn’t have her moments of . . . doubt  . . . but I really think that the confidence and openness that Jennifer Aniston is talking about whenever she is interviewed about becoming a mom is something that tells me it ain’t gonna be long before she’s announcing the arrival or the impending arrival of a little baby Aniston.

And for what its worth, I think she’s a fantastic role model for every woman, single or married, over the age of 35 who’s trying to become a mom.

ASSUME IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND IT WILL.

p.s. and when you can’t totally assume it will happen, fake it, fake it until you make-it  . . . because that’s another sure fire way to get your mommy-Zen fire burning.

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Male Infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss

June 23, 2010 | By:

Today’s topic is one that I have been meaning to address for some time, but my colleague Mike Berkley did so very well in the following article on sperm DNA fragmentation and miscarriage that I thought I would just post the link to his article.  I can tell you that this stuff is really controversial, but also documented at higher rates of fragmentation to play a significant role in pregnancy loss.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Miscarriage-Caused-by-Sperm&id=4520103

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