A Little Funny For Your Friday
April 3, 2009 | By: Elizabeth
A friend of mine posted this on her facebook page, it got picked up and circulated among the American Bar Association’s listserver for its Committee on Assisted Reproduction and the Law. I had a good chuckle and wanted to share. Enjoy!
Chelsea Lately and Egg Donor Exploits
Filed under: Egg Donation
Tags: Chelsea Lately, comedy, Egg Donation
Movie Review – A Smile Like Yours
March 3, 2009 | By: Elizabeth
Hi everyone! This is Danielle, Liz’s associate. It’s been a while since I blogged!
When Liz told me about her new idea for the blog – watching and reviewing movies about infertility and adoption – I thought it would be interesting to join in the project. I, too, often get so irritated by the way Hollywood deals with these subjects. Sometimes I even get angry – don’t get me started on the “shady adoption lawyer” cliché that spanned so many episodes of Desperate Housewives a few seasons ago (the entire way that show handled Gabriel’s infertility and subsequent “miraculous” conceptions really bothered me, but I will make that the subject of a different Hollywood post!). So, Liz let me borrow her first movie – A Smile Like Yours, with Greg Kinnear and Lauren Holly, and I thought I would post my reaction here.
I watched this movie with some friends – none of whom have any experience with infertility (to my knowledge), so it was interesting to hear the reactions from people who were not familiar with the situations presented in this movie, as well.
We all liked it. Ok, it’s not Oscar-worthy or anything, but it was a cute, touching movie that, in my opinion, depicted the experiences of a couple experiencing infertility honestly and sensitively. A brief synopsis – the movie is about a couple who, after unsuccessfully attempting conception the old fashion way, find themselves trying cycle after cycle to have a child through ART, until it puts a strain on their marriage and they need to reevaluate what they really want for their marriage and their family. I thought they did a great job of showing just how taxing the endless doctors appointments and disappointments of numerous failed cycles can be on a relationship. Without giving away too much of the plot (for those of you who want to see the movie), let’s just say that “another woman” threatens the marriage at one point. When I asked the roomful of people that I was with what their opinions were after watching the movie, the first thing they said was that they couldn’t believe how much strain trying to have a child could put on a couple. They commented on how, after all those months of trying, and all those doctors appointments and medical procedures, they can see how it would be easy to loose sight of why you are doing all this in the first place, and they understood why the couple in the movie decided to step back and take a break for a while – to rediscover themselves and their marriage, and regroup before trying again.
When Liz watched the movie, she mentioned to me that she thought the ending was misleading, and I agree. SPOILER ALERT: Don’t continue reading if you have plans to watch this movie, because I am about to reveal the ending!! Like I mentioned, before the end of the movie, the couple decides to take a break from trying to conceive and just enjoy being married for a while. The next scene starts with “Two Years Later” written across the screen – and the couple is happily taking their triplets out for a joy ride (in a convertible, mind you!) and playing with them at the park. There is no mention about how they had those triplets, and anyone without knowledge of ART and infertility would likely assume that it was another one of those “Hollywood miracles” (like the formally infertile Gabriel from Desperate Housewives, or Charlotte from Sex and the City who just happened to get pregnant accidentally after years of trying and being told by doctors that they were infertile). I, and Liz, of course, immediately assumed that they went back for at least one more IVF cycle, and this time they were successful with triplets. So I asked the people in the room with me what they thought about this scene – how did they think the couple got pregnant? And their initial responses were along the lines of “they just relaxed about it and it happened.” Hmm….they just relaxed and had triplets on their own? Not likely. I explained the more likely scenario to my friends, who then agreed that I was probably right. It is unfortunate that this otherwise well-done movie helped perpetrate the “just relax and it will happen” stereotype that seems to permeate so much of Hollywood (on-screen and off).
So…with that said, overall I would recommend this movie. With the exception of the last scene, I think they did a great job portraying the life of a couple dealing with infertility. I just wish they would have made the correct ending a little clearer – maybe the screen should have read “Two Years – and 2 more IVF cycles – later.” That probably would have been more accurate!
Filed under: Infertility In The Movies etc.
Tags: hollywood, infertility, movies
How do we learn to let go and trust (again)?
February 25, 2009 | By: Elizabeth
It’s been an interesting week. I’ve had a bunch of clients with major and/or unusual problems (I think there is something definitely wrong with the planetary alignment this month) and some clients who’ve “opted -out” altogether, choosing different routes to parenthood that don’t involve my office. The universal sentiment I am hearing from everyone, however, is pain, despair . . . a sense of overwhelming hopelessness in their quest to become a parent. I feel awful for them and I don’t know how to help. I can commisserate, but is that enough?
I remember it well. I still feel it sometimes. Someone responded to one of my blogs asking me not to be angry that I am infertile. I think she missed the point of my blog; my infertility and my anger has become an empowerment for me. I have a new career and a new life that I never would have been blessed with but for the fact that my body cannot carry a baby. But with the anger are little pieces of sadness that never go away. Memories of miscarriages, anniversaries of a baby that went back to his birth mother (next week, can I hide under the covers and not come into work? Years later it still hurts that badly!). Those things never go away. How do we get past that and learn to let go of the pain and sadness and trust again?
Because good things do happen. Egg donation and surrogacy are hugely succesful avenues toward parenthood. Success rates for egg donation are astronomical when compared to the average fertile myrtile’s ability to conceive. Adoption is guaranteed. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other you will get a baby. I know. 7 attempted IVF cycles, 9 miscarriages, 2 failed adoptions including one disrupted adoption, but I am the proud mother of two beautiful children.
But what happens when we can’t put one foot in front of another? What about those days where we want to hide under the covers? I am wrestling with this one myself. I understand the pain my clients are feeling. Next week is going to be a tough week for me. It’s only memories now though . . . I got through it . . . something got me through all the ups and downs until I brought my babies home forever. Somehow I managed to find enough faith in one minute, faith to get me to the next minute and to the next and the next . . . I wish I knew what it was that got me through . . . I wish I had a magic pill or a secret that I could share that would get us through the really god-awful, why-is-this-happening (or why did this happen) to me days? But I don’t have any secrets.
All I can do is listen and remember, or as the case may be, re-live the memories. But I don’t know if that’s enough. With all I can do as a lawyer (and a writer), sometimes I feel completely helpless to help . . . .
Filed under: Thinking Out Loud
