Archive for June, 2008
Choosing an Egg Donor
June 12, 2008 | By: Elizabeth
So, I just took an interesting call from a client. She was very confused about the benefits of using an experienced or “proven” egg donor versus using a first time donor. A proven donor is one who has either been pregnant and/or had a baby herself or gotten recipient parents pregnant (or both!). A first time donor has never cycled before so her egg quality and recruitment is an unknown.
I tried, and Danielle tried, to explain to her that it doesn’t really matter either way. In fact, I just learned at that amazing conference in Charleston that first time, “unproven,” donors have the same success rates as proven donors. Donors are so carefully screened these days for their fertility that approximately 70% of donors will get the recipient parents pregnant; regardless of whether they have cycled before or not with another recipient family.
But, alas my client couldn’t be persuaded. Much to my surprise as most of clients will only work with a proven donor. This woman was terribly afraid that working with an experienced donor meant she had a greater likelihood of having the “bad” cycle happen during her match with this donor, and that she’d get a crappy bunch of eggs. Statistics don’t bear this fear out at all . . . but since she’s just as likely to get pregnant either way (proven or unproven donor); I suppose it doesn’t really matter?
Filed under: Thoughts on Choosing an Egg Donor
Next Steps: Is it Okay to Pursue ART and Adoption?
June 12, 2008 | By: Elizabeth
For those of you who are confused about what your next step is on your frustrating, convoluted and phenomenally expensive journey to parenthood, I’d like to share something with you that an increasing number of our clients are doing. They’re “dual tracking”. That is, while they finish up one final attempt at IVF or IVF-ED, they are simultaneously starting their adoption paperwork. It can take months to get an adoption to the place where you are waiting for an international referral or you are certified and home study ready and can begin to look for a baby. You can be finishing up your IVF stuff while you’re doing all that paperwork (just please make sure to tell your home study social worker that you’re pursuing IVF and what your plan is re: adoption if you get pregnant).
I did it myself when my husband and I were going through infertility and adoption stuff. It gave me the peace of mind of knowing I was going to be a mom no matter what! It totally took the pressure off of my last IVF cycle and when I miscarried with that cycle (and it was the earliest miscarriage of them all, thus reaffirming my decision to pursue an adoption . . . it seemed like a sign from the Universe that we had made the right decision to pursue adoption!), well I didn’t dwell on it as much. I still had a lot of grieving to do but I didn’t have that anxiety about “what if the next cycle doesn’t work?” or “am I ever going to become a mom?” I knew that because we had started a domestic adoption plan and had our paperwork started that I was steps closer to finding a birth family. In fact, I was so relieved that we had started the adoption process and I didn’t have to start something new from scratch!
We were up front with our adoption case workers and we knew that if I got pregnant and carried to the second trimester that we would put our adoption on hold and see whether I delivered a baby. Having that plan, knowing what we would do if I did get pregnant was important for our adoption professionals; and as an adoption professional now it is a question I make sure to ask. I want to know that my clients have thought through the process completely and they aren’t going to bail on a birth mother if they get pregnant. Or at least, I get assurances from them that they will be honest with any birth mother with whom they might be working and let her know they are pregnant and give her the choice about whether she will still work with them toward a successful adoption (and yes, some birth mothers will keep working with you). But then I have to ask my client if they are prepared to parent two children born very closely together? It’s a lot of work!
I know not all adoption professionals agree with me, but as a former infertility patient I think you need to pursue all avenues to parenthood that may be available to you and right for you. As long as you know where your priorities lie, you don’t lie or misrepresent your intentions, and what you will do if you get pregnant while working toward an adoption, who should judge you for trying to move things along as quickly as possible?
Filed under: The Journey to Parenthood
Egg Donors
June 10, 2008 | By: Elizabeth
So I just got back from attending the 10th annual Oocyte Donation Conference in Charleston, SC (man was it hot and humid!!) and I must say I not only had a fantastic time but I learned a ton! One of the things that caught my attention were tips and suggestion for how to choose and screen an egg donor for a clinic or agency’s donor program (as opposed to a recipient parent choosing an egg donor), and statistics about success rates for egg donations.
I have always advised my clients that it is better to choose a “proven” donor than one who has never been pregnant, had a baby, or donated to a couple that got pregnant. Guess what? Turns out, I was wrong! Statistics clearly showed me – and let’s face it, I am swayed by stats – that a properly screened first time donor has the same success rate as a “proven” donor. So I guess I need to start advising people that they can choose just about any donor that feels right to them, and not worry so much about whether she’s got a proven track record. Because according to the gurus in Charleston, that first time donor is just as likely to get a recipient mom pregnant as the donor who has cycled two or three times and gotten the recipients pregnant on at least one or more of those cycles! Go figure!!
Filed under: Thoughts on Choosing an Egg Donor
