What’s On Your Mind?
March 20, 2007 | By: Elizabeth
Want to hear from you . . . friend, client, internet traveler . . . what’s on your mind about reproductive stuff? I am going to invite a bunch of professionals . . . everyone from reproductive lawyers to social workers to agency owners to post their thoughts and perspectives but it would really help to have some direction and give you all the information you’re most interested in.
Some of the ideas I have about future blog topics include:
What’s going through my egg donor’s mind? What is the process like for her, why is she doing this and what scared her or made her enthused about egg donation? I can invite egg donors to post a blog and attorneys who work with egg donors to give their perspective on the process from the donor’s side of life.
What makes a successful egg donation? How about hearing from agency heads (without the intent to get your business but with the idea to give you important information to make this work for you) and people who’ve gotten pregnant from egg donation cycles?
What do you think of open egg donation and adoption?
What about gestational surrogacy . . . how do people afford to do this the right way, the safe way, and what is the right way and safe way?
Domestic versus international adoption . . . how about we talk about the risks and benefits of each type? We will invite adoptive parents and professionals to participate in our blogging.
The Home Study . . . what do you really need to do to get ready and how important is it? Let’s talk to some social workers and adoptive parents about their ideas and thoughts and concerns.
And what about this breast feeding thing. Can someone who doesn’t give birth really breast feed (YES!).
Does any of this sound good to you? Do you have other thoughts and ideas?
Filed under: Thinking Out Loud
Some thoughts on Egg Donation and Adoption
March 19, 2007 | By: Elizabeth
One of the most frequent questions we get in our office is about making the leap to use an egg donor or deciding whether to adopt a baby or child. How do you make this enormous decision? What do you need to be thinking about when you’re making it? How do you know whether one option is right for you? How do you afford it? The questions are truly numerous and everyone has different issues to address. I think my biggest hurdle comes from the financial aspect of it all. I mean let’s face it, egg donors and adoption are both expensive and both come with risks (although those risks are very different). I cannot make the decision for anyone, but I try to point out to people the benefits of each type of family building and what you get for your money.
With a properly chosen egg donor, for approximately $15,000, you can build your entire family! You can have multiple children who are all biologically related from one successful egg donation cycle. And I am not necessarily talking about multiple births. A really successful egg donation cycle will result in frozen embryos for future family building. However, unless you have some insurance to cover some of your medical expenses, or you can deduct some of that $15,000 on your taxes, it’s $15,000 of cold hard cash you have to come up with at one time. That is really hard for most people to afford!
In contrast, for $15,000 you probably cannot adopt internationally which is the least risky of all types of adoption. With international adoption you do not have to worry about a birth mother or father choosing to parent before placement of the baby. However, you probably can complete a domestic adoption for $15,000 or less (this is the average cost of a domestic newborn adoption) and there is a substantial adoption tax credit ($11,300 in 2006) for people who’s income is less than (approximately) $150,000 a year; and the credit phases out until you fail to qualify with an income above (approximately) $190,000. Plus adoption is guaranteed. While a particular birth mother (or father) may choose to parent, as long as you stick with your adoption plan a baby or child will come home eventually. Reproductive endocrinologists can never promise a baby no matter how great a donor may be. Moreover, if you’re open to foster care adoption your costs may be even lower and you’re protecting the well-being of an infant or child who is facing a life in challenging situations.
The desire to be pregnant and to have a biological connection to our children is primal. I never judge someone who is willing to spend a lot of money trying to create a biological family or to carry a baby (I spent tens of thousands before choosing to adopt so who am I to judge?). But these are really tough issues. Is it worth spending the extra money for the prospect of having multiple biologically related children? Is it worth taking the risk that a birth parent might choose not to continue with an adoption plan or a court might return a baby or child to his or her biological family in order to maintain that family’s unity because domestic adoption might be more affordable? I don’t have the answer to these questions but I ponder them every day.
What I really think stinks, is that the infertile have to spend so much money to have a baby!
Filed under: Thinking Out Loud
Just who is The Stork Lawyer®?
March 19, 2007 | By: Elizabeth
So who is the Stork Lawyer®? Well, just a normal infertile woman with a J.D. who was bored practicing commercial and employment litigation in New York City, accidentally wrote and published The Infertility Survival Handbook (Riverhead 2004), and then was asked to start a reproductive law practice by her friend and former law school buddy, Amy Demma, JD (Amy now has her own egg donation agency which has a link elsewhere on this page but for convenience sake you also can click here: Prospective Families).
One thing led to another and I wound up writing my second book, The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption (Warner Books 2006), and my law practice grew to include helping people adopt.
But basically, I consider myself an infertile chic with two beautiful children through the miracle of adoption (whom I breast fed, which is now another aspect of our practice, helping intended moms learn about induced lactation for breast feeding babies carried by surrogacy or who were adopted) who happens to be very lucky to have found her bliss helping to build families.
I am a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), the American Bar Association (and a bunch of subcommittees on family law, reproductive technology and bioethics), the New York State Bar Association, and the Association of the Bar of the City of New York. I have been practicing law since 1993 and am admitted to practice in the Appellate Division, First Department of the State of New York, and the Southern and Eastern Districts of New York. My admission in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is pending and I hope to become admitted in the State of Texas (just to be as annoyingly ambitious as possible). As you will learn on this page and our web page (Stork Lawyer Website) we also have attorneys on staff or affiliated with our office who are admitted in New Jersey, Connecticut and Massachusetts. We also have relationships with attorneys elsewhere in the U.S.
But basically, I am just a woman on a mission to help people become parents. While I may have a whacko reproductive system . . . I am one very blessed woman. Indeed, my own infertility is what brings me to you and without it . . . I would not be the person I am today with the wonderful richness brought from parenting two amazing children and helping and watching others experience the same. Like I said . . . BLESSED.
This is Me:
Filed under: Questions about the Office
