I’m Just Another Angry Infertile Woman

October 21, 2008 | By:

I recently served on a panel of experts in reproductive law discussing how relevant ART law is to family law practitioners.  My presence on the committee was necessary (I soon discovered) not just because of my expertise in reproductive law but because I am a former infertility patient.  Indeed, I was presented to my colleagues as the prototypical infertility patient.  We will leave out some of the more mysognistic and offensive attributes I was accredited with.  Suffice it to say that my in-depth understanding of my menstrual cycle and my hormone levels, follicle count, etc. during a cycle of ART made me (and those among us who share an interest in following our IVF cycles closely) somehow “special” and not so much in a good way.  I left feeling somehow humiliated and proud at the same time.  It was a very odd mix of feelings and I have spent the better part of several days trying to come to terms with how it made me feel to suddenly be having flashbacks to (and indeed nightmares about) IVF cycles long since passed.

Shortly after this incident, and all that it brought up inside my head (and let’s face it, I do think things through rather thoroughly, although not to the same “obsessive” degree as the angry infertile were somehow accused of during that conference), a woman posted a comment to my blog about Brooke Shields’s VW ad.  She commented that she was relieved to see she wasn’t the only person who had an adverse reaction to the ad.  She was relieved to discover that she wasn’t the only angry infertile person out there.  No my friend, you aren’t, there are plenty of us out there. 

Cut to me trying to squeeze in a quick-read of a People Magazine article about that family with 8 kids that has a t.v. show on TLC.  I had really admired them and the fact that they were keeping their marriage together, their lives organized, all the while parenting twins AND sextuplets.  (People Magazine Octoer 15th, 2008).  At the end of the article they talk about wanting more kids and adopting.  Now I am really pysched.  Here they are parenting all these kids and they want to adopt, and adopt internationally to boot!  WOOHOO.  And then my blood turned cold.  “Kate confesses, ‘We still want to know what ‘one’ is like.”  I stopped dead in my tracks.  The past few weeks of re-living my infertility, feeling the pain of a stranger who was (like me) deeply offended by an insensitive advertisement . . . they just want to know what “ONE” is like.  Can I swear here?  Is that allowed?  This is my blog right?  Okay, I’ll keep it censored (for now).  But seriously, how many of my clients and my friends would KILL to have just “ONE” . . . who spend their life savings and switch jobs for better insurance coverage, who take second mortgages all in the desire to have just “ONE” . . . these people who are blessed with eight children, who got freaking lucky with their IUI cycles and NEVER had to try IVF want to see what having just one child is like.

Yeah, I am just another angry infertile woman.  And so I have created this column on my blog where I am going to vent and rant and OUT every insensitive, uninformed, moronic remark, advertisement whatever . . . I am not going to take it any longer.  I am proud to be another angry infertile woman.  We’re tough.  I bet Kate is pretty tough too.  My best friend has triplets, I know how hard multiples are . . . but seriously girl . . . APOLOGIZE NOW.  That was a hurtful, insensitive remark. 

Yes Ma’am, I am proud to be just another angry infertile woman.  And I am not about to shut up about it either.  If you hear or see anything in the media that is offensive or hurtful, lemme know.  This is where we get our payback.  I don’t care if its politically correct or not.  It’s time to band together, to unite for the cause.

Treat us with dignity or suffer the consequences in this blog.

My official thumbs down go to VW and Kate, mother of 8, who wants to know what its like to just have “one.”

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  1. Angie Best-Boss says:

    You go, girl!
    Glad to know I am not the only previously infertile woman who is just so freaking tired of insensitive, patriarchal attitudes..(breathing deeply) ok, the Brooke Shields ads piss me off, too, but that’s another post. fun reading, Liz, Thanks
    (And best wishes on the nanny hunt)

  2. Liz says:

    Okay and I hadn’t seen the TELEVISION ad that Brooke Shield’s did for VW. Going to comment now. Another post indeed.

  3. Heather says:

    I just learned about you, Liz, from the RESOLVE teleseminar tonight so I’m browsing your blog. I’m completely disgusted by the VW/BS ads… and I OWNED a VW!!! Ugh! I also resent being labeled “advanced maternal age”…. Where’s the “advanced paternal age” label for all the guys addicted to Viagra?

  4. m.b. says:

    I completely agree that the VW ad’s are offensive. I’m also sick of hearing that “it wasn’t meant to be” They have obviously not been through any “infertility” issues.

  5. carla says:

    I am a mother of one child as I could not conceive again. We tried a donor egg 13 years ago at a whopping cost of $17,000 – but it did not happen for us. I was angry and annoyed that all my friends were having their second or third child but I learned to accept the hand I was dealt. I have an amazing 16 year old son! My husband and I are truly blessed! I try not get angry at people who just don’t get it regarding comments like – “Oh it must be easy for you since you only have one child.” But there is more important things in life – so try not to be angry – you have one child- some people will never have any.

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  7. Haydee says:

    Go. Tbh I’m sick of the “hurry up have kids your not getting any younger” remarks. I’m sick of having to strive at work because deep down I know they’ll be sweet F.A for me otherwise. I’m broken that the person who I met at 31 after a failed marriage is the love , beyond love. I adore him and I’ll never make him a dad. Im thinking of leaving because it will help him. I’m a chicken and haven’t struck up the courage yet but it’s coming. It’s unfair to force a childless life on someone who is a stools catholic and wanted a family so bad. It’s crap, life shit. I had such a shit upbringing and I strived to better myself but this has just thrown me back into that shitty no good for nothing person I was. It’s the biggest kick I have had for years. Life just isn’t fair period. No goes around comes around. Some of us are destined for shitty things and try as we might, life will remind you yr scum and you ‘ ll never be anything more. But worst of it all. I’m actually a good,nice person who would rather spend each waing hr doing stuff for everyone else rather than deal with myself. Not fair ey ?