Feeling Overwhelmed and the Wonder of Autumn
November 6, 2009 | By: Liz | Filed under: Peace to Parenthood
I’ve had a lot going on recently — between travelling for work, representing clients, and getting ready to launch an egg donation agency my plate is pretty full — on top of which I have family issues and a back that doesn’t really want to let me stand up straight (a metaphor for my life if ever there was one). I was talking to my coach about how overwhelmed I feel and how does a business owner, lawyer, any professional person in general deal with that. I also feel that a recent visit to Dr. Chung to address my own reproductive issues brought up a lot of memories and feelings which just added to feeling like I couldn’t manage my own life. I know we all get there sometimes. The days you don’t want to get out of bed, the days you want to take a mental health day from work, the days nothing goes right and you find yourself digging through your pocket book for chocolate or xanax or both! LOL!
My coach gave me a lot to think about and work on and I must say that we worked through many of my personal issues surrounding feeling overwhelmed and now I am feeling much more empowered, but the bottom line I think was that I was (1) avoiding facing the issues and work that were bugging me ; (2) I wasn’t taking time for myself (hello Martyr Liz); and (3) I wasn’t taking time to look around me and feel grateful for things.
So this morning, as I do almost every morning, I sat down for my meditation time (which I will admit I haven’t had in over a month because of the demands of work) and I looked out the window of my sun porch and NOTICED the beautiful yellow and orange trees outside my windows. Literally overnight they had gone from green to the amazing mix of colors, they are blazing with light and color and reminding me of the limitless capacity we all have for change. Feeling overwhelmed is only a feeling. Feelings are not facts, and they do not usually accurately represent where we are in our leaves. If the trees in my backyard can go from spring green to autumn blazing bold orange and gold overnight, than so can we. We can go from feeling overwhelmed, stuck, frustrated, anxious, or even despair at the stress in our lives presented by childlessness, infertility, infertility treatment, worries about follicle counts and E2 levels, birth mothers not returning our calls, our adoption cell phones not ringing, our agency calling to tell us our referral has been delayed (again) . . . whatever it is . . . to recognizing that we really are all okay, everything is perfect in our lives right now and that we are safe and not alone. It doesn’t take much. For me all it took was taking a break and looking and really seeing outside the window of my world. That tree changed overnight. Nothing is permanent or forever. Those leaves will be gone in a few days leaving me with new views to ponder. Tomorrow your E2 level will be different, you might get a call that a spot opened up on a dr’s wait list, or your referral might come in from your agency.
Take a moment and look at something outside of your normal consciousness. Something you take for granted, something you ignore. Notice how beautiful and miraculous it is. The write down what you noticed about it, and then write down everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck.
Next, write down the opposite of everything that is making you feel overwhelmed or stuck. Write down the way you want it to be. That tree in my yard changed overnight. In a few days it will change again. It reminded me that our lives our fluid and constantly moving. Our feelings are just feelings. Write them down, then write down what you want the reality to be. I bet you anything that just like the blazing fire of autumnal glory outside my window that is transfixing me and inspiring me, the thing you look at will change your perspective as well and you will see or remember that the list of what you want is moving closer to you every second.
And if that didn’t work . . . just remember this adage someone once told me. Imagine you are swimming in the ocean toward the shore. But the current is so strong that as you swim you get no closer to land. However, every stroke of your arms and kick of your legs fighting that current is making your legs and arms stronger. When that current releases you, you will literally fly through the water toward the land at a speed you cannot comprehend right now. Every stroke is building muscle. Every breathe is keeping you strong. Because nothing is permanent and that current will disappear and you will be swimming faster toward your dreams and goals than you can even begin to comprehend now as you fight with that current. Surrender to the current.